Stop Trying to Solve Everything
Most people aren't looking for your solutions or advice.
While I’m out on parental leave, I’m re-posting some of my favorite newsletters from the archives. Enjoy this post from March 2022!
You don’t have to solve everything.
Think about the last time a direct report approached you with a tricky situation at work — maybe they were dealing with a difficult teammate, struggling to turn off at the end of the day, or facing an impasse on a project. How did you respond?
I’m not a gambler, but I’d bet you offered helpful suggestions, solutions, or advice.
Now think back to the last time you approached your manager or someone at work with a challenge. (No, like, actually pause until you can think of a specific example.) What was the context? What did you want from that person?
You’re smart, so you’re already thinking “don’t be smug about this, Rachel…” because there’s a pretty good chance you weren’t (at least entirely) looking for suggestions, solutions, or advice.
My College of Executive Coaching professor Relly Nadler identified that when people approach their manager, they’re either consciously or subconsciously looking for one of the following things:
(If you like acronyms, you can remember that this one is VIVID.)
Most managers’ instinct is to “be helpful,” so they focus on ideation, offering feedback, or decision making…those last two bullets. They figure “I can be most helpful by unlocking decisions and moving work forward. Why would my direct report even be coming to me if they didn’t want to move toward solutions and next steps?!” But most managers are wrong.
Most of the time when a direct report comes to you they’re looking to vent, give you an update, or feel validated.
Just think about your own example: were you looking for your manager (or the person you approached) to parachute in with the perfect solution? Maybe if you were in the midst of a crisis. But chances are you already had an idea that just needed validation, or you were sharing a challenge so that your manager knew you were on top of it.
So what do you actually do with this?
How helpful was this email? And to be direct: I’m just looking for validation. 🙃